Hello everyone. Today, I would like to share some thoughts about love.
Each person may define love in a different way. In this reflection, I would like to express my own view of love, with the hope that it may help others understand love more clearly and reduce some of the suffering and difficulties that love can bring.
In my view, love can be divided into three types: sexual love, small love, and great love.
What is sexual love? Sexual love is similar to love at first sight. When I see someone beautiful, someone who fits the type I like, I may want to love that person, marry that person, and build a family with them.
Small love is love directed toward a smaller group, such as love for parents, siblings, relatives, or the animals we care for.
Great love is broader. It is love for all people equally, for animals, for sentient beings that can feel, for neighbors, and more generally for all people and living beings in this world.
These three kinds of love can disappear when they are no longer suitable for us.
For example, sexual love may arise because I am attracted to someone’s appearance and physical form. Therefore, when that appearance changes, when the person no longer looks the way I once liked, that love may gradually decrease. It may also fade if the person’s character changes too much and no longer fits what I expected before.
Similarly, small love can also disappear when the conditions that gave rise to it no longer exist.
For example, I may love an animal because it is gentle and obedient. But if it becomes destructive or causes trouble, I may no longer feel the same affection for it.
The same can happen with friends. I may value a friend because that person is generous, but if they change and begin to take advantage of me or harm me, I may no longer feel love for that person.
However, great love is love for all sentient beings equally, for all people equally, and for all animals equally. It is a broad love that does not arise from a specific condition or attachment. Because it does not depend on a condition, it is also less likely to disappear.
When it comes to love, people often experience suffering. As long as there is attachment, there can be suffering. When I love someone, I may fear losing that person. I may fear losing someone I care about deeply. If the person I love is not healthy, does not meet favorable conditions, or encounters misfortune, I may also suffer.
In general, because I observe that person and want good things for them, I may suffer when their life does not meet my hopes or expectations.
Love is also connected with many conflicts. When people love each other and become close, conflicts can arise. Different people may handle conflict in different ways. However, if conflicts are not resolved properly, the relationship may end and that love may disappear.
For that reason, I want to share how I think we may reduce suffering and resolve conflicts in love.
Love can disappear in the same way that it arises. Therefore, I try to transform my love from sexual love and small love into great love: love for all people, without depending on a particular condition. If love becomes broad in this way, it is less likely to disappear, and I may also suffer less because of love.
What happens to each person may be connected to causes and conditions created in this life or in previous lives.
For example, if one person experiences good fortune while another experiences misfortune, perhaps the fortunate person has done many good things in the past and is now receiving help from others. Or, if one believes in previous lives, perhaps that person created good causes before and is now meeting favorable conditions in this life.
On the other hand, if someone I love encounters repeated misfortune, perhaps that person has created unwholesome causes in the past and is now facing harmful consequences. Or, from the perspective of previous lives, perhaps they did things before that now lead to difficult results.
Because of this, I try to accept what is beyond my control. I can love someone and help them within my ability. But when they face difficulties that are outside my ability to change, I try not to suffer excessively because of it.
When there are many conflicts in love, I also try to recognize that coming together is part of a connection. If suffering appears, I try to accept it as part of the result I must face in this life, connected to causes from the past or from previous lives.
One way to resolve conflict, in my view, is to bring the responsibility back to myself, reduce my ego, and acknowledge my own faults so that conflict can soften.
If I keep arguing when conflict arises, the conflict may grow stronger, and I may end up doing harmful things that create serious consequences in this life or in the future.
In summary, I want to share that there are many ways to define love. Sexual love and small love often arise when another person satisfies certain needs or expectations within us.
Great love, however, means loving all people equally without requiring a specific condition.
Therefore, if possible, I try to transform small love and sexual love into great love: a broad love that embraces everyone equally.
I also try to recognize that what happens to someone I love is connected to causes and conditions they have created in the past or in previous lives. By seeing things this way, I may reduce my expectations and suffer less from wanting that person to always be lucky and happy.
When conflicts appear in love, I try to resolve them within my ability and to acknowledge my own faults, so that uncontrolled conflict does not lead me to harmful mistakes.
Thank you for reading.